The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen.

This is one of the many quotes underlined, circled, highlighted and scribbled down onto the wrinkled pages of my journal. Taken from a book my brother deemed “unimpressive”…in fact, I actually think he went as far as to declare the content “blah.” Yes, yes that’s what he said, “blah.” Well, my feet are planted and I steadily disagree.

But I don’t want to talk about the book. I mean, besides the one sentence copied above.

Anyway. So a couple months ago, after an especially inspiring listen to Emiliana Torrini’s song Big Jumps, I decided to hijack it as my anthem for 2010. My friend Jen creates a motto at the beginning of every new year, a theme to mark the segmented 365 days. I’m simply following suit. Thanks Jen. I even scrawled the words in large letters on a page of my planner, ripped out said page and slapped it onto my wall o' bits. To make the statement even more official, I told some boy about it. As if it was some huge epiphany or something, as if I stumbled upon some bit of inspiration to start walking towards. He asked me what this looks like, I mean, what sort of big jumps exactly? Well, it does just sound so awfully exciting doesn’t it?

I didn’t respond.

Anyway. So I spent last week in Guatemala. It was incredible. But I don’t want to talk about Guatemala either. I mean, besides this one little boy. Well two actually, but mostly just the one. So Cailah and I took a boat out on Lake Atitlan to this little community called Santa Catarina. After wandering around a bit we followed a woman up some stairs to an outdoor café overlooking the lake. We watched women and children doing their laundry in the lake and talked about taking pictures. You know, that fine line that exists between attempting to capture moments versus living through your lens rather than your senses. And then there’s the other one, the idea of making people into caricatures by photographing them in order to tell your story, your experience, your adventure. Cailah didn’t take any pictures.

I did.

Anyway. So out in the lake there were these two young boys. Swimming and splashing and throwing rocks. After a few minutes they discovered the joy of climbing up onto an abandoned boat. Making their way to the edge, they stepped up and wrapped their arches around the curved lip of the boat. Laughing they began swinging their arms for momentum, counting down, preparing for the big moment. When the time came, only one boy felt his feet leave the white fiberglass and be swallowed by the cool water. The other boy, my dear Guatemalan counterpart, he remained clinging to the roof of the boat. His friend paddled around the other side and climbed back aboard, they tried a second time. Once again, only one body felt the freedom of pushing off into the air. This process repeated itself. Many times. I watched intently as the desire of this young boy struggled, fought and was defeated continually by the nemesis fear. He swung his arms, he bent his knees…and he watched his friend’s splash from the side of the boat. Cailah and I were enthralled. We were rooting for him, we were whispering the words jump jump jump to ourselves. I wanted to tell him he could do it, that it wasn’t that high, that the longer he waited the harder the task would seem. After what seemed like hours of this agony, when it was least expected, when I had almost given up hope…he jumped. His friend squealed. I clapped. The boy’s face broke through the water, he was smiling.

And so he jumped in. That day will now be remembered as the day he crawled up onto that boat and did cannonballs off its tarnished side. It’s a memory created. It’s a story. It’s a good story. Standing on the side of an old boat crippled by fear, that’s not a good story. That’s not an event to be remembered. That’s just kind of sad.

What am I saying? I’m saying I want to actually really listen to Emiliana. I want to imitate this young boy. I want the story to happen. Living here in Costa Rica for this period of my life offers so many unique possibilities, not the least of which is to learn a second language. Spending months in a Spanish speaking country, my lips bound shut by fear: fear of making mistakes, of embarrassment, fear of failure. That’s not a good story. That’s not even an event to be remembered. That’s just kind of sad.

And so here’s to trying harder. To giving myself wholly to this challenge. To taking risks. To not walking away.

To jumping in.

I think I should write about the month of February. You know, to say how it has absolutely flown by. How it was eaten alive by a flurry of activity and adjustments. These carnivores that ate my days, all fun and friendly: documentaries shown on rooftops, weekend trips to the sand & sea, mornings conjugating spanish verbs, afternoons of art & tutoring, adventures with new friends and costa rican karaoke. But right now, listening to Tom Petty and tapping my feet, all I really want to do is talk about Felicia.

Felicia, who has taken me in as her own daughter, feeding me mountains of food and consistently worrying over my safety. This woman who is always on the brink of laughter and so full of sass. Felicia who forces me to speak Spanish, repeating the word digame over and over again until I eventually do figure out a way to tell her what I am thinking. Felicia who corrects my mistakes and lectures me for speaking in English.

This woman who insists on doing my laundry and refuses to allow me to leave the house in a wrinkled shirt - to the point of removing the guilty article of clothing from my body and leaving me to eat breakfast in my bra while she irons. All the while shaking her head at my crumpled appearance.

We watch novelas together. She repeats que guapo each time a certain male character enters the screen, and then immediately looks to me for confirmation of the level of this mans attractiveness. At which point I willingly oblige, giggle and repeat, si, muy guapo.

I am learning so much from this Felicia. In the way she has approached our relationship she is unknowningly teaching me the depths of true hospitality. In witnessing her relationship with her neighbors Felicia is showing me what it looks like to live in community: it looks like coming over for coffee, going grocery shopping for one another, rotating caring for the 2 year old child while her mother is in the hospital, watching, and when necessary disciplining, the neighborhood boys who are daily playing out in the street, bringing an unknown elderly woman into your home while she waits for her grandson to come pick her up. The doors of this neighborhood are quite literally always open. Forming a living breathing community, an organism that is full of bright colors, children shrieking and the beauty of giving and receiving.

And on Friday, on Friday Felicia taught me something powerful about love and sacrifice. Recounting the four years that her and a young Steven moved in with their old neighbors. An elderly couple who needed to be cared for. Felicia explained she thought it would simply be easier to live with them, only in that way would she be able to offer them the full time care they so desperately needed. And so for four years her life was spent living with and caring for this couple, doting on them as if they were her own two small children. And over time, she watched them both pass. She described this experience as having a large impact on her, a time of great beauty and great pain. I tried to tell her of my admiration for an act of such bold kindness, to which she quickly responded that this is just what you do. Without hesitation, this is simply what you do for your neighbor. You share in life and when it is coming to an end, you share in death.

Felicia. From living with this woman I am learning so much.

on being present...

i like our saturday morning tradition of waking up and walking to the feria (farmers market).

i like the heat and the crowds that press down upon you as your feet weave through each isle.

i like the distinct & pungent smells that come like waves as you walk: the acidic & citrus of fresh fruit, the earthy & crude of just plucked herbs, the sweetness of fried churros and the perfume of newly cut flowers.

i like that we are consistent in the stands we frequent, choosing not by price but by fondness of seller. avocados from the dark haired man with glasses and boysenberry stained fingers, whose young fohawked son assists with ease and professionalism. strawberries from the young girl who always offers a laugh, a free sample of jam and a taste of the days berries. and then there is the lettuce, lettuce from the teenage boy with the sweet smile and lively younger brother. the younger brother whose yells and persuasion can compete with the best sellers.

and of course, i like that after wandering around for 45 minutes being called at from every direction, i leave completely convinced that all those vendors were telling the truth: that yes, in fact, i am a queen.

Much has happened these past two months. So many things that I would like to share on this little space of the interweb. But as I failed to document these events as they occurred, I am hesitant to reach back in time and attempt to truly drag them into the present. Meaning would be lost. So instead of capturing depth I will simply cast a shallow net over the past couple of months and catch the highlights:

Leaves&Lizards

Krysta and I had the incredible opportunity to take a few girls and one mom from the Tutoring Center on a trip into the countryside - to a lodge called Leaves and Lizards. This was a trip of firsts: for many the first time away from home overnight, the first time being out of the city, the first time to ride a horse, to see pigs and goats, the first time venturing into the rainforest, the first time using a blowdryer and the first time to eat Mcdonalds (this was VERY exciting). The trip was a huge leap for the girls, the Tutoring Center and for krysta and I – one that deserves much more time than this cursory synopsis. Krysta gives the experience its rightful attention on her blog: http://krystaleanne.blogspot.com/

The Brothers

My brothers came to visit! They had been planning for months behind my back, I was completely unaware of the surprise that was to come, the whole family was sneaky and secretive. And then, only days before they were scheduled to arrive, the tragic slip came in the form of one Nate Huber. It’s not really his fault he spoiled the surprise – no one ever tells him anything, he’s usually sent into the other room. SO... the boys came and it was truly an incredible time. I loved having them here and tried my best to manipulate them into staying longer. It failed. But it was simply great while it lasted.

A Costa Rican Christmas

Right before I left Costa Rica for the holidays, we had a day of Christmas. We got a tree, decorated the house, Josh made cookies, Dustin and Cailah hung lights and we strung popcorn. It was really a lot of fun. There's nothing like a tropical Christmas.

England

After being back in California for a mere 24 hours I hectically headed off to England. There was a L’abri reunion of sorts and the wedding of the year. Marta looked like a beautiful Hungarian princess and I was so grateful to be there. Over the course of approximately 3 weeks I got to spend time with some of my favorite people. To eat good food, drink good drinks, share good conversation and laugh a good amount – all the while wearing colorful paper crowns.

Scotland

My time in England was broken up midway through by a brief stint in Scotland. The 10 hour megabus ride treated Kari and I well, and once there the country treated us even better. Thanks to the Kellocks we were spoiled rotten and spent the week up North in a lodge all to ourselves. Complete with back patio, spa, pool, steam room and sauna. We spent the hours talking about every subject imaginable, we literally talked with minimal interruptions for full days. Words cannot express the goodness of this time.

California

And then, on December 21^st, I flew back to California. Where I have been rested and rejuvenated for the past month. I have no pictures, but I tell you it was a time of pure refreshment. Full of family and friends. These people that I love, in Fresno and Santa Barbara and Long Beach and San Jose, and others scattered throughout the state, these people breathed new life into me this past month. And as is always the case when I take stock of the relationships that fill my life – I once again am overwhelmed with gratitude. For I am convinced, it is the people whose lives have become tangled with mine that make my life good.

And so now, here we are, January 19, 2010 back in Costa Rica. I have been here a mere 24 hours and already I have: scooped up the multiple dead cockroaches lying around our house, taken an ice cold shower, found ants nestling in the bristles of my toothbrush, sat on the perch with Dustin and lingered over a 3 hour dinner with Krysta and Josh. It feels good to be home.

In order to live here in Costa Rica for an extended period of time you must either: A. apply for residency (as is the case with Krysta) or B. leave the country every 90 days for at least 72 hours so as to renew your visa (as is the case with Cailah and I).

About a week ago our time was up, so Cailah and I decided to make the trek down to Panama. The unfortunate truth of the situation is that I was not exactly looking forward to this trip. I didn't want to spend the money, I didn't want to miss school and I knew basically nothing about our destination, Bocas Del Toro. It felt more like an obligation rather than an adventure. And traveling should be an adventure.

Thankfully, a week later I am now able to report that this trip took me by complete surprise. It abducted my horrible attitude and spit me out rejuvinated, recharged and feeling grateful. Four days in the archipelago of Bocas Del Toro proved to be a bit of a tropical fantasy. For a little insight into our days, here are some pictures:

This is the view from the little cafe where we purchased our coffee each morning. We sipped and lingered in these seats. The pace on this island is quite slow, incredibly and beautifully slow.

This is the beach where we spent our Saturday. It's called the Red Frog Beach. I missed the only visible Red Frog. Cailah was shown one of these miniscule and bright red spotted creatures by a young boy who had captured it in a leaf. I was on a walk and missed the celebrated amphibian. Dang. This beach is found on the island of Bastimentos, and we were staying on Colon, which means we got to take a tiny motor boat in the Caribbean Sea. I was essentially breathless. The trip there was beautiful. I was also breathless on the trip back that evening, but for different reasons. I couldn't breathe for the laughter Cailah and I were suffering from as we sped across the water in a downpour of rain. We were being painfully pelted with drops that soaked us through completely. It was quite funny.

Sunday we decided to rent bikes and explore the island. I spent an extra $5 for that basket in front to hold my bag. It's the small luxuries that make a difference.

Once on our bikes we simply began to ride straight. Following signs that pointed us to the water. We ended up riding all day with the ocean on one side and a changing scenery on the other. From forests of trees, to small and simple communities, to the massive homes of vacationing foreigners - this island has a bit of each.

When it was hot, or something was extremely beautiful, or we simply got the urge, we would park our bikes and take a break. To collect shells, stare at the sea or play in the waves.

Eventually this is where we set up camp. I am 96% sure it was a private beach. And I am 96% sure we didn't care. We sat ourselves down on the stretch of sand between a fancy hotel and a mansion on the water. We swam and read and, as I discovered later, I apparently got eaten alive by bugs. Once back home in Costa Rica the bites began to reveal themselves. Putting on some no itch cream I counted roughly 90 red irritated itchy spots. Those annoying little pests. I am still suffering from the consequences.

A video. So you can get a glimpse of the scenery, the incredible speed at which we rode, and my impressive filming skills. Beware of motion sickness.

Here is Cailah. Drinking a bright green mai tai. We spent our evenings exploring the little restaurants scattered about the island. We would sit and chat and eat good food and stare out over the water. It was nice. And so is she.

So that was Bocas Del Toro - Panama. Only 6 hours on a bus, a walk across a bridge that is the border, 1 hour in a taxi, and 40 minutes in a small boat. Totally entirely worth it.

on being present...

i like the old man i walk past nearly every morning. i'm on my way to school, he's on his way to mass. we greet each other and make a solid attempt at exchanging pleasantries. this interchange generally ends up looking like this: my face squinting in confusion as i concentrate on interpreting all those foreign words, and his hand patting my shoulder while a reassuring and hearty laugh fills the air. this has become somewhat of a morning ritual.

lately (read: the past couple of months) we've been doing a long list of fun things - outings and activities and adventures and such. and i've been horrible at recording them. so as summary, here are about a million of the captured highlights.

girls night out in san jose. dinner at an adorable restaurant followed by coffee and treats at a swanky hotel downtown. (girls: krysta, cailah, aiylah and me)

i went to see this volcano, poas, with some kids from my language school. that bluish green lake down there? ya, that's lava.

we made a pit stop one day while in downtown san jose and played in a park/on a collection of exercise equipment.

we saw a british production of romeo and juliet in the national theater. it was in english, but i still had krysta explain several scenes as i found myself to be, shamefully, a bit confused.

and then it was the josh's-birthday-weekend extravaganza. josh is a friend from home who is doing peace corps and got placed in costa rica a relatively short distance from desamparados (where we live). this is pretty great.

so he stayed with us for the weekend and we celebrated his birth by eating lots of good food and basically having as much fun as possible.

oh and cailah's brother isaac surprised us one day by just showing up at our gate. literally. cailah hears a clanking, goes to the door, sees her brother who lives in california...now cue mouth dropping and overwhelming excitement. he stayed with us for about a week and it was so nice to have him. this is a blatant hint to my brothers: i like this. you should do it.

we went to a soccer game: saprissa vs la liga. these are both teams from the san jose area, essentially the rivalry is pretty serious. it was at the la liga stadium and we ended up in the small and heavily guarded saprissa cheering section. and now when i say heavily guarded, i mean all sides surrounded by a police force worthy of the swat team. i'm talking equipped with gas masks and everything. but don't worry, we were safe, with only a few moments where i nervously anticipated the breakout of a riot.

but at least we weren't on the side that was on fire. open flames to support their team?

it was fun. and that is isaac.

and then the next day it was off to the park to participate in a common recreational activity: sliding down this hill on pieces of cardboard. ya, sure, it is mostly common for small children, by why not join in huh?

here is to each of our personal styles:

krysta was, i must say, a bit wild. she went down that hill with abandon, and it was amazing.

isaac skated.

josh belly slid.
cailah and i attempted to go doubles. this whole side-by-side thing didn't work out so well. we rearranged ourselves and tried again with success.

i'm pretty sure aiylah is not moving. at all.

here it seems josh is giving us some sort of lecture on the most efficient and effective way to slide down a hill. we apparently are listening captively.

and we're off...

and now here we decide it is important that all of us climb atop this rock. why? who knows. but it was hilarious. here i am begging isaac to pull me up while josh climbs the other side.

and now i attempt to help krysta while aiylah does her best solo.

and then we all gave a hand in assisting cailah. we were successful... eventually.

this ridiculousness was followed by ice cream cones. it was a very happy day for all of us.

and then a couple of weeks ago us girls went on a weekend trip. we went to see the volcano arenal and the la paz waterfall gardens. it was a road trip, beautiful scenery, relaxation and fun all rolled into one. i was pleased.

here are some shots from the waterfall gardens:

pink bananas...what?

the free.

and the captive.

aiylah loved the toucans. i know it may not look that way. but she did. this is a love bite.

there was a butterfly sanctuary. it was kinda crazy slash amazing. never seen so many butterflies in my life.

these bulls pulled us around in this cart. and we laughed a lot.

it was quite beautiful.

on the way to our hotel/hostel/slice of heaven we drove through a town called la fortuna. as we drove we saw the streets lined with people and a sort of procession marching through. so of course we stopped and got out to enjoy the festivities. it was a competition between school marching bands. but not the sort of marching bands you're thinking of, not the semi-dorky ones that my semi-dorky brother played the tuba in in high school. (love you bubby). these kids were serious, and absolutely amazing. i've never seen drummers with such dedication. or so much sweat. they were basically rocking out, and we basically loved it.

and then this is the road that we traveled to get up to our place of lodging, in the dark, in our little purple car. it was quite an ordeal. and we almost didn't make it. at one point three of us got out while cailah instructed krysta on the best strategy to get the car moving again. it was stuck, the wheels spinning angrily in their place. but eventually, thanks to cailah's tips and krysta's superb driving, we made it. but i'm telling you, it was close.

here's the front of the place we stayed in, it's called leaves and lizards, and there was a hammock for each us.

and here's the back porch and view.

and here's krysta stealing dirt from the property. "they have excess, and it's good dirt!" was her rational. she would. she would.

and then it was aiylah's birthday. which entailed a series of super fun events. one being taking the drive to san pedro and eating these monster slices of pizza.

and another being the occurrence of an improptu dance rave party in our living room. it was actually quite hilarious.

in other exciting news...krysta's residency finally went through! she is now officially a resident of costa rica. yippee!

so i'm pretty sure you are now officially up to date. probably more so than you ever hoped to be. i am nothing if not thorough. i'll try to be more regular in my picture posting in the future so as to avoid an onslaught such as this.